Ok an actual update

So last week I went to a 4 day AFS (the organization that I came to Italy with) camp in Cervia, which is about 2 hours north of PS. Giorgio. It was ok. There were students from all over the world: Honduras, Serbia, Bosnia, America (of course), San Domenico, Thailand, Japan, Argentina, and Brazil. That part was cool. But it wasn't cool that there was only one bathroom for 8 girls and that the day I came home (Sunday) there was a huge public transportation strike. In Italian, strike = sciopero. They happen all the time and it's really annoying.

Anyway I was supposed to get home at 5 and I ended up getting home at 9. And then we went to the disco so I was pretty dead on Monday.

What else

I wasn't too happy to be at the camp. It was pretty predictable. We had to talk about our feelings about going home and what we've learned and what we're taking from the experience. I would have preferred to sit on the beach all day and stay with my host sister and my friends. I have such limited time here (17 more days!) so I want to spend every moment with the people I actually care about... not strangers.

Also, everyone knew each other because there was an AFS camp in October but because I only came for 6 months, I wasn't there in October and I didn't know anyone. The food was horrible.... the activities were boring... etc.

But it did make me think about how precious my time here is and how sad I am to be going home. Ludo is going on a school trip the week I leave so we have to say goodbye to each other in 11 short days. We've made all kinds of plans for the future but I feel like I'm losing my sister and it's painful.

Truthfully, I am so scared to come home. I want to see my family, friends, & dog (obvs) but I'm afraid. I'm afraid to forget the people I've met and the things I've learned and the way I feel in this moment. I wish I could explain how I feel better... or even understand it, but I don't. When I think about coming home, I either feel numb or start crying so that's a positive sign that things will go well.

For me, the experience doesn't feel complete. My life here isn't finished. I wish I could do more. I don't know what it is I want to do but... just more. Live fuller. I don't know how, because I feel like I've been living pretty fully but I don't know. I somehow have regrets.

I always have regrets with every experience. I always want to do things a second time, to make sure I learned from my mistakes. But, of course, that's not possible.

So that's where I am right now. I think this post is more for me than anyone else but hopefully y'all got something out of it!!!!

Baci. Ciao.