Being Home

All the foreign exchange students in Italy who came with AFS had to meet up again in Rome on July 6th. So I had 3 weeks to say my goodbyes and wrap up my life in Porto San Giorgio. Those 3 weeks were really difficult. I had a lot of goodbye dinners with people, I went out every night, I spent my days on the beach... I tried to make the most of it. But it was sad. Especially because Ludo wasn't there the last week. She went on her own cultural exchange to Poland :( 

My class gave me a big Italian flag covered in handprints, my favorite Italian lyrics, and stupid things I would say. Ludo gave me a Jovanotti CD and a letter that always makes me cry. Borra gave me a Lumineer's CD (his favorite band that we always listen to in his car) and a phone case that says "what do you want" with the classic thumb glued to the pointer and middle finger gesture. I gave Ludo my old yearbook and some American coins. I also got a lot of bracelets and letters that will stay with me forever. And on my last day, I bottled some sand that's currently sitting in a bottle on my bookshelf.

My very last morning in PSG - July 6th - was wonderful. My host dad and I left the house at 5:30 am on his motorcycle to see the sunrise at Torre di Palme - a tiny, geographically elevated town with a population of 90. Then we drove through my town's center so I could say goodbye. My host parents gave me a coffee maker, Italian coffee, and 2 tiny little cups to drink it from. It was a beautiful birthday present. 

I don't remember exactly what time I left on the bus, but I think it was around 10:30 am. I kind of always hate these AFS events... but at least it was only for the night. We woke up at 4am to go to the airport and then we flew to Zurich and finally JFK. My mom, brother, and Ally greeted me with a salad from Sweetgreen. It was incredibly sweet. I guess there's always that initial moment of arrival that kind of makes everything happy and easy.

But it leaves behind this numbness that I've been trying to cope with for the past 2 weeks.

In that time I've watched every episode of Mad Men, Skyped with my host family, distributed presents, started deciding who is bringing what with my Pitt roommate, and cooked pasta for my mom.

I have not seen my sister who is attending a program at RISD, visited my grandparents in CT or Bala Cynwyd, unpacked my box of winter clothes that arrived a week ago, finished my senior project (and therefore received my diploma), gone to Target or Bed Bath & Beyond for college (the American mentality towards consumerism still sickens me), or cracked open any of my Italian books. But I've thought about all these things. A lot.. and I've decided with less than a month until PittStart, I should really get on it. 

So I'm trying to get things together. It's painful because I feel like I worked so hard to learn a different language and culture for nothing. My life was there and now it feels like it's gone. It feels horrible to not be able to be with people that I love and care about.

I guess I experienced a little bit of this when I left America, but I always knew that I'd see everyone again. I know that someday I will return to Italy but there isn't a date set. It's uncertain.