My 12 hour nap

DISCLAIMER: THERE ARE A LOT OF FEELINGS IN THIS POST. Ugh.

Last night at 7:30 I felt really tired and hungry. I knew dinner was almost ready but I couldn't help myself. I fell asleep. I woke up at midnight extremely confused and disoriented - the way most naps end.

:(

I took out my contacts, charged my phone, and went back to sleep until 7:30 am. During the night I had terrible nightmares. Mostly about home and the people I miss dying. I don't know why but that's usually how my nightmares go. This morning my host mother told me how worried she was about me. Apparently last night she tried to wake me up for dinner and I didn't respond. She wanted to call an ambulance but my host dad talked her out of it. I feel so terrible for scaring her. But I'm mostly concerned about myself.

WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHY AM I HERE? I don't speak Italian. I'm confused 24/7. I feel alone. I feel purposeless. I miss my friends, my family, my dog. I miss LM. I miss feeling comfortable. I almost never feel comfortable here. Intellectually/mentally I know that everything will work out, but emotionally I don't feel it. I don't feel like myself. Because here, I'm not myself.

I mean. I still am Kayla. But.... everything that I thought made me who I am is in America.

I know this is what I wanted. But I don't know what to do with this. I don't know how to make the best of the situation. I don't feel positive. Ok sometimes I feel positive. But not always. Not right now. Positive people don't sleep for 12 hours.

I need to meditate or something.